Joanne Fedler's latest offering Love in
the Time of Contempt is part pep-talk, part personal memoir and an open
invitation to consider yourself a part of the club devoted to the 'Raising of
Teenagers'.
The book can be enjoyed from many points of
view; that of the parent in the midst of raising teens, that of the parent who
is done with that particular challenge, and that of the parent (or non-parent)
remembering their own teenaged years. The stories in this book can't help but
jog your memory about your own behaviour during those tumultuous years, and
your feelings about your parents at the time. If by chance you had not already
thought back to those times and, if you've parented teenagers yourself, felt a touch of empathy for your parents and what you put them
through, then you certainly will after reading Fedler's book.
This is not a how-to manual on parenting
13-19 year-olds. There is no magical handbook to follow that will make you an expert
at getting yourself and your children through this challenging stage of their
development. Teenagers are a social grouping not a collective noun. They are as
individual as snowflakes or fingerprints. Ironically, many would protest
against this individualism, preferring instead to belong to a group, to fit, to
follow the crowd. Funnily enough, being like everyone else often becomes the
basis of the teenager's identity.
What you will learn within these pages is
that 'this too shall pass'. There is no avoiding this challenge. The good news
is that most who go through it do so without any lasting damage. It is important
to separate ego from parenting. It is not a competitive sport. You don't need to
outshine your children. Be fair. Say sorry. Admit when you are wrong. Show your
vulnerability. Give them respect and expect it in return. Compromise. Relax.
Love in the Time of Contempt reminds us
that we are not alone. The writer is sharing her own experiences with us in a
way that says, "Look. I'm doing this too, and guess what, none of us are
perfect". I have always felt that this is an important lesson to share with
your children no matter what their age or stage of development: 'Yes, I'm an
adult, but I am also a person. I make mistakes. If I treat you unfairly I will
apologise to you. I'm not perfect, so I don't expect you to be.'
Fedler's writing is honest, humorous, and
insightful. She shares her experiences generously, without being didactic. With
warmth and a touch of irony she gives the reader that sense of solidarity and
support that, during what is often one of the most difficult stages of
parenting, we are not alone. In the end we are all in this together. As
parents, we just have to do the best we know how to do, learning on-the-job,
while staying open and available to our teenagers.
I highly recommend Love in the Time of
Contempt.
Find out more about Joanne here.
